Stones Say it Best

you can't always get what you want....

but if you try sometime, you just might find...
you get what you need...

Over It...

I’m so over the tears that stream down my face and blur my eyes…
I’m over the slurring, the stumbling and the abuse from you…
I’m over yelling at you, and fighting with you and hating you…
I’m over being this unnecessary bitch ... it’s not who I am…
I’m over the negativity of it all…

I’m over trying to help you…

I’m over it… and I've finally let you know how I feel...

Today I no longer hate you… I’m just numb towards you…
This is your life... live it, and don’t attempt to drag me down with you…
It’s a long way down the rabbit hole… I’m not going that way...

So knock back another one and watch the world and your life fade away... you are so good at it mom!

Unwanted Attention...

Had an encounter with the highest of authority today! The fact that he is the worlds most notorious flirt does not help matters!

It was a lingering arm and look that no woman let alone employee should ever receive!

Thats all I'm saying...!

No more smiles and "hey's" from me for a while!

Not quite sure what to do here!

Midnight Phonecalls...

He phoned me last night and we chatted for hours…

I’d hate to see the bill come the end of the month... 15,000 ks is a hell of a long way.... from 4 till sunrise.
Wonder how the words travel across the wires?

Not much was spoken, it was more about the sounds, of giggles and sniggers and all too knowing smiles on each side... the same headspace and all...

He misses me too...

That’s all I needed!

Not Unlike... I don't like Mondays...

There is a song out there by Cassette, called “I don’t like Mondays”

Well, you know what… I do like Mondays… it's Sundays that I hate...

Sundays ... 5pm to be exact…

It's when the uneasiness, the nervousness and the mild fear sets in.
It's like a fever...5pm shows the initial signs.

By 7pm, my palms are clammy...
And by 9pm… my back is twisting, my shoulders are around my ears and I'm a wreck…

Cut to 12:03… and I’m lying awake stiff as a nail, staring at the ceiling hoping that tomorrow never comes…

This can't be healthy…

But come Monday 10am… the fear is gone, and is replaced by a blanket of nothing…. A bubble of “numb”

Strap me up and let me bounce off the cushioned covered walls….

Amnesia

I don’t remember yesterday… it's no lie…
Monday night amnesia!
I can't tell you who I was with or what I was doing, as I have no recollection whatsoever of it.

I think I’ve lost a day in life… my year is now a 364 rendition of possibility…

And I have no explination for this...

Another Night Out...

After last nights debauchery, a glass or three of red was on the cards. I was actually looking forward to a semi-comatose evening of bonding with the gal pal … but wow karma had other plans!

Skip to this morning, where I awoke with the standard wine lips clown smile, and a head as heavy as heavy gets. My feet are sore, and yes - they are dirty too. How? Anyone?
Not yet quite sure how that happened... and I’m not at home… but at least my surroundings are semi-familiar… I have been here before… I’m just not quite sure where “here” is… aaagggh… my head hurts.

Close eyes… and try again…
aaah…. The spare room at Babes place… my second home… I am safe….and breakfast probably (hopefully) awaits, as usual.

So over a cup of coffee and a morning ciggie, Babe and I deconstruct the blurry events of the night before… everything seems in order… all items accounted for.

YAY!

3 hours later I’m doing my laundry on the shittest day to be doing any laundry, considering its freck cold and the sun isn’t shining (typical I-Kape mentality).

Oh, fuuuckkk…
How did those pics get on Facebook?


Oh yes - I think it may be worthwhile mentioning that the b/f  is not speaking to me today - something about me being a lesbian. Will inquire into that one tomorrow.

24 Hours with Mr CFA...

So Mr CFA himself, aka Sex On Legs, was down this week…

(He has graduated from SOL to Mr CFA, as the latter more respectfully praises his accomplishments. Paycheck Daddy would be so proud to know that all of that intensive and far over priced education has finally paid off - and so we upgrade SOL to a well deserved title within this here blog, for the pleasure of you dear PD)

Intriguing how his trip CT side coincided with my leave from “the agency”. He left his fellow contingent behind this time, for a bout of Tête-à-Tête, Crasshlet style.

And style, oh, we did….

Drinks, dinner, a limo ride to nowhere, a day of spa pampering, enjoyed every moment as much by him as by I, and a bout of golf, culminating in lunch the following day, on “the estate”…

This man knows how to entertain… it comes with the territory. Overbearing collagen Mommy has her very own entertainment guidebook, and Paycheck Daddy wrote the rules on 20-something ultimate seduction.

And as much as I do adore, and as much as my local krew thoroughly approve of Mr CFA and his dynamic expertise, as much as Peach would instantly lurch towards him even in her sober state, I cant help but feel that to this man - women are just accessories.

There were no stareathons this time around, no hushed giggles from the krew of OMG… are those pecks real? No what ifs, no why nots, no bullshit!!! Just two old friends - taking time out for one-another.

If this is life - I’m happy to shuffle along dazed and confused, if shuffling equates to entertainment of such great heights…

Aim Higher Dear Crashlett...

I have been told by three in my extended contingent this week alone…
Aim higher dear Crashlett…

I could chose to get fucked off with this statement of blatant disregard for my own initiatives... but truth holds fast, and the contingent does have my ultimate best hopes at heart.

The sky is but a facade… space is beyond and never ending…
The night is young, we can still make it home...
From here on in it's just all wide eyed optimism...


It's time to break up...

Crashlett out...

A Day of Hollywood Glamour

They say you’ve never owned a real car until you’ve owned an Alfa.
And I’m definitely a car girl… so an Alfa is on my list …not too far down either.

Pretty sunny days and smooth and winding roads, with the top down, and the essence of sea air breezing through and teasing my hair. That smoothe Italian steel cannot be faked, the smell drives me crazy as we melt into the leather.

I felt like Sophia with James by my side, transformed back to the 50’s of Sunday Hollywood Glamour, little white gloves, cherry red lips and pretty summertime dresses.

God I love days like this… and I miss days like this.



I've put this requirement down as "work", so now that I'm back in the office - I will reminisce over the pics.

Excuse Me... Did I miss Something?

You know the feeling… when you have something on your mind… and it’s sitting at the back, mellowing, building a case slowly of irrefutable damage. It’s amazing how at every turn, you notice those elements around you more radically.

It’s like when you first have sex, thereafter, every time you turn on the TV, there seems to be a sex scene, a promiscuous comment or sexually angled element… just while you are watching the Sunday night fliek with your folks.
And you feel as if everyone knows… no one has told them, but you might as well have a huge flashing “no loner virgin” fluorescent sign on your forehead… they just know!

Its like when you deal with a pregnancy scare with one of the girls, there seems to be a throng of glowing fertile women on the verge of popping, chasing you both around town, lurking on every street corner. It’s as if you’re chicken feed, and they can’t get enough… it plays on your mind.

So why am I now so brutally aware of the situation all my friends seem to be heading in…

I feel as if I’ve been living in a bubble, and all of a sudden *POPPP* it’s gone…. And so many around me are engaged, moving in together, or smugly married.

Did I miss something?

We are only 24, life is young… we are young…!!! So why the hurry?
Have I had my head in the clouds for so long, that this blissful coupley life has passed me by?


I'm in a relationship; but because I'm actually in one - the question seems to be - when are you two trying the knott. Why? Can a woman just not date a guy without it having to lead to white picket fences and bonds?


Yeah, I'm dating the Real Estate Agent (REA), but I don't plan on marrying "REA". I've already told him that!
So why all the questions, comments and pressures?


But now when people ask why I'm not yet married - I gracefully reply: "Oh I'm actually Gay, and my entire relationship is a lie - to keep people like you off my back".


I wonder if its working?
And then I watch them choke on their mojitos…

Wedding Bell Blues

Found this extract in my diary from September 08. Thought it worthwhile to draft it - to yet again prove why I think my best pals man is a wanker! (Sorry babe)
**********
My Babe is taking a leap of blind faith if you ask me. Wanker proposed to my girl!
Apologies there - no he didn't propose; he somewhat mentioned that they should get married, (probably after consuming a bottle of Jack)! the shocker; she said yes!

8 years is a long time to be with someone. I don’t know of any one thing consistent enough in my life to have lasted 8 years, apart from the mandatories, of school, and life, and a love for Lindt chocolate balls.


She squealed and told me; we hugged, jumped around like tweens, and started talking dresses and locations. What else should we have done? I think its a female thing!
Over a glass of red and a shared ciggie… while our Babe was in the kitchen - wanker and I chatted.

Me: OMG Chefy, what you are doing is big!
Chefy: um… yeah doood.
Me: Are you sure about this?
Chefy: Yeah doood.
Me: You know she’s my girl right.
Chefy: um… yeah doood.
Me: You break her heart and I’ll fucking kill you… you know that!
Chefy: um… yeah doood.
Me: Cool…
Chef: Aaah Crashlett, does that mean I get a threesome?
Me: Fuck off!


Seriously - how on earth am I supposed to give my approval for a situation which is:
1 - not remotely right
2 - to a guy who doesn't understand the meaning of an adjective
3 - when its so clearly blatant that they have outgrown oneanother


Later that eve…. with another bottle red and some sluuurrred speach...

Me: Babe... you know I wuv you right!
Babe: Offf course angel.
Me: And I’m sooooo excited for you, I kinda want to cry.
Babe: aah Annggel…
Me: Just be sure about this ok… pleazzze!
Babe: I loooooove him angel…
Me: I know… it’s just that… aah fuck, never mind.
Babe: Whhat?
Me: It’s just that… …*sigh*….. I’ve got one hell of a wedding to plan, and I’m only evvva gonnnna do this once for ya…
Babe: Angeel… I loooove yoooou
Me: Loove you toooo…


Why am I holding back the truth…?